Full of Grace

I love your new cowboy hat! Let's celebrate! The weekend saw me thinking about "The September Issue" a lot, which I have to talk about immediately or I'll explode. And no one wants me to explode because who is gonna clean up all the bits and pieces? For those of you who don't know what "The September Issue" is, here are two options:

a) It is a documentary about the making of the biggest and heaviest Vogue issue in history, reaching an audience of approximately 13 million people.

b) It is me trying to figure out what to do with my grown-up life by September.

Surprise! The more correcter answer is a). (and yes, I just wrote this sentence on purpose because I'm a funny lady. So funny even Anna Wintour has to smile a little. Because I dress like a hobo on bubble tea. I also wanted to say that I detest people saying stuff like "Show me your beautiful smile, honey". I'm gonna show you something else. And it ain't got nothing to do with rainbows and panda bears, I guarantee).

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I haven't extensively talked/ ranted about fashion in the longest time, so here is the trailer for "The September Issue":



From this preview it looks like Anna Wintour is the star of the show, but actually it's Grace Coddington. She is the fashion editor of US Vogue, former 60s Welsh (!) model, occupant of one of these NY brownstones I'd like to own, and wearer of the most fabonkulous red mane in the history of red manes. Ms. Coddington is also a stubborn Don Quijote fighting against the windmills of commercialism and defending substantial beauty while being surrounded by shallow uglyness.

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(Grace Coddington at the Cover of British Vogue) via

Besides igniting my appreciation for Ms. Coddington, the documentary also made me think about the differences/connections between fashion and style, art and commerce, feminism and beauty. Since my brain suffered severe weakening caused by another wonderful weekend, I'll let someone else speak. This comment is taken from a Q&A with Guardian's fashion writer Hadley Freeman.

"Fashion is supposed to be about giving grown women self-confidence, pleasure and maybe even a strut in their stride. It is not supposed to make them want to resemble baby animals who can barely walk across the room. This seems to be an increasingly common misconception."

- Shitting babies can be rock stars too.

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- Accessories will solve the climate crisis. Sort of.

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- "Ugly Shoes. A Brief History" shows three pairs I own. Guess which. Winner gets appreciation and short hug, because long hugs make me uncomfortable. Why? Because I'm an oh so special INFJ.

- How-to-guide for recycling your pets. Chapter 1: Making bags out of your dearest cat.

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- I really want to have a Russian winter hat made out of this little critter:

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Don't Rain On My Parade

Ladies and gentlemen,

Your hands look very manicured today. Well done, homo sapiens.

Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? Me neither. But thanks to the new episode of Glee I do. I waited for so long for the series to continue. But it was worth the excruciating emotional pain I felt every time a network decided to put a beloved TV-series on hiatus (I'm talking to you, Californication. And to you, My so-called Life). Some people are so happy that Glee is on air again, they decided to dance their hearts out. In public places. All over the world.

Here are some reasons I wish my high school had had a Glee club (It actually did. But I was with the art losers and not with the musical weirdos. I was busy painting tree-shaped rectangles and shit). If I were Rachel, I would do the following:

1) If I would have a strong feeling like anger, hurt, love, or ambition, mysterious music would suddenly start playing and I would just break out singing a dramatic ballad like it was the most natural thing on earth. Dancers would appear out of nowhere and guitar players in wheelchairs would flow around. In real life (at least in British movies) this kind of behavior leads to being a social outcast. In Glee you'll get squisheed but you'll also be an amazing star. Like Rachel Berry *puts a star here*


2) I would wear outrageous dresses: "She looked like Pippi Longstocking - but like Israeli"

via www.fanpop.com

3) I would rehearse "Defying Gravity" every day. Not just every two days, like I do now.

4) SPOILER ALERT! Idina Menzel would be my mum. Maybe.

5) I would craft a relationship calendar in which my jock boyfriend's face and mine would be photoshopped onto cute cat pictures.


6) I would very much look forward to the day I would perform every notable Madonna song in appropriate gear WITHOUT the occasion being a costume party at my own place.

via www.idolator.com

7) I would be a rising and beautiful female nerd. But no one needs to be Rachel Berry to live just that. Am I right? Now go and rehearse. Shoo shoo!

Something else: I'm really obsessed with Venn Diagrams, so I made one myself. Here it is:

God, Shoes, and Shorts

I'm going to start this one off with something on the not so funny side of life (understatement alarm!). It will be over in a second (in 10 minutes to be honest), so if you can spare the time please watch this video in which Oscar Wilde Stephen Fry talks about why he thinks that the catholic church is NOT a force for good in the world. It's better than going to the dentist. I promise. Not better than the effects of anesthesia though.



Now let's make a 180 degree turn and talk about some brighter, yet not less frightening topics in life. As some of you already know, I surrendered to destiny and decided to pop-torture myself in the worst way known to humankind.

1) I will practice the dance steps to Beyonce's "Single Ladies"
2) and will perform said dance
3) in appropriate costume
4) in a hipster location of choice
5) after asking the DJ to play the song
6) and keep photographic as well as written eveidence of my popcultural anthropological experience/nightmare

I will almost certainly chicken out this time (give me a break, I already did soooo many weird things. Green christmas-y pj-bottoms? That RHPS re-enactment? "I'm a barbie girl" AND "Jolene" in a certain bar I only found because I bonded with a gay guy over discussing Britney's "Womanizer" video? I don't know what this glorious country did to me. Besides transforming my accent into something undeniably deniable, and besides getting me hooked on American Apparel, bagels, brownies, Sunday Sundaes, those coloured cereals, waffles, busses with WiFi, and shiny happy people with amazingly regular titan-white teeth).

And since I will probably not do it, I need YOU! Yes, YOU! You will have to think of something equally meaningful and world-shattering to do, in order to build up group pressure. Then we can all shame each other into doing things that really matter in our lives. As an imbursement for your time and help you will receive two special limited gifts:

1) my never-ending appreciation (depends)

2) a free once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to write a blog entry for fashflash (guaranteed. might be erased if not funny)

Because I'm a really nice girl I already thought about some of the things YOU could do. For example, write my master thesis (only if you get an A), be one of my harajuku followers, or be my Lady Gaga counterpart at the big day out. OK, enough hipness, let's change topic...again....

Did you know that researchers finally found the world's ugliest shoes? Now you do:


Scholars also found the world's most elaborately patterned shorts (thanks for the tip, Ms S)

To be honest, I feel a little sorry for Mischa lately. She was a really promising actress when she started. And with that I don't mean The O.C., duhh! dadada-dadam-dadada-dadam, California here we come, dupidupidupiduuuu. Maybe Mischa just needs a care bear to hug her and everything will be alright. I'm a believer!

On the bright side, academics also discovered the most stylish contemporary as well as period costume design on TV (The hair grooming? The soft silk robes? yum! If one could just ignore the misogyny I would love to travel back in time and say Hi to John, Jackie and Marilyn)


What else? Some people get old, some people age with dignity or unexpectedly valuable fashion products, some will look eternally classy, and some want nothing but fame while others deny themselves completely (I know this guy is a genius and he doesn't give a fuck about anything, but he is THE poster boy for an imminent monobrow, like wowowowowo).

So many links today, but not enough photos and videos. OK, I'll make it up to you with this little treat. Happy Holidays and don't forget to fill the world with love or whatever you have at hand!

Nachtrag in Deutsch: Absolute persönliche Wortschatzis der letzten Folge: "Kapstadt war ja schon der Burner, aber New York ist ja die Bombe", sowie "Boah, diese Hosen, ey! Was Frauen alles anziehen" Find ich auch. Diese Woche ist übrigens Umstyling. Unterhaltung garantiert!

Five Reasons Why

Hey there! Everyone ready for another decade of bad fantasy movies, terrorism and UGG boots? Wonderful, me too. So today I decided that I'd rather be Chuck Bass' and Blair Waldorf's child than Brangelina's. Some of you might be surprised by this, so I'll tell you why.

#5

I'd be an only child, meaning I wouldn't have to share my hip medieval accessories with my sisters and brothers. No, better. I wouldn't even consider wearing a sword to go shopping because my mum would not be a crazy-ass knife collector, but a crazy-ass headbands collector.

#4

I would be the only kid in school whose father wouldn't be afraid of wearing bright and flashy colours for parent's day. My dad would endorse the freedom of combining uncombinable patterns, shades and materials, and therefore I would also develop (after going through a rough period of pubescent embarrassment) into a role model for international fashion anarchists, NY hipsters and/or current indie boybands.

#3

I would master the art of deception, manipulation and intrigue much better than today. Moreso, I'd be able to be ridiculously mean without any regrets. I need help with this because nowadays I even get a bad conscience for growing cress on my sister's new flokati rug.

(btw, the pics are the result of googling "mean" and "chuck bass" or "blair waldorf")

#2

I'd be a super educated and classy Upper East side heiress like Paris Hilton. Also, I would probably know a thing or two about English history. Because I could finally afford cable TV and watch the Tudors properly.

#1

I might even look tolerable provided that the right genes show up in the right places at the right time.

Musicals Part I

Ladies and gentlemen and everyone else! This week I proudly present to you, my unconventional conventionalists, the many wonderful not-so-hidden fashion treasures of singy-songy, dancy kitsch movies. Sometimes they are referred to as „musicals“. Let‘s cut the blablabla and focus on some examples.

Rent

OK, this is NOT the most fashionconscious of musicals since the producers obviously love 80/90s NY realism. But since I am always looking for a cheap excuse to chat about Rent, I recapped the piece and figured that I really like Collins' coat (me. want to go. thompkins square park. now. also: sunday sundae)

And let‘s not forget about Angel, pookies.

3 points for men in long tailored coats

5 points for dragqueeniness

2 points for the East Village

Glee

Just watch it, fellow weirdos! Not only does the entire club sometimes dress in matching outfits, there is also a blogworthy sense of character dress.

The neurotic teacher with - quote cheerleading coach - „eyes like a starving bush baby“ reminds me of Winona in Mermaids.

Kurt (what should I say?)

And of course Rachel! Our star in a flashy skirt combined with yellow socks and too much self confidence.

1 point for outfits I could never wear

3 points for stage uniforms (not only for the maintreamers but also for the biggies and even for the future MIT student in wheelchair)

10 extra points for Kurt

Romeo and Juliet

Does this count as a musical? At least, there's a wealth of interesting accessory choices to be found in this scene: Angel wings, Cleopatra mum, Leo knight, etc....(oh wow. I already forgot how beautiful it is. This was kind of a make out movie when I was young. I wonder what the kids watch nowadays. Twilight? Harry Potter? YouPorn?).

9 points for being 100 times better than Moulin Rouge

Hairspray

Ohhh, where should I begin? I‘ll just let the pics speak for themselves....

Holy shit. debbie harry finally has a new hairdo?

I have to do more sportsm I know.

15 points for being unconditionally fat, proud and obscene, also known as "my favourite trinity of adjectives".

8 Femmes

Wonderful before-after scene with legendary Isabelle Huppert. All in all: solid French gear.

5 points for old-fashioned murder movie appeal ala sexy Miss Marple

1 point for leopard print

1 point for having a conniving maid character (there more to come in "Musicals Part II" !)

Funny Face

This is probably the best match for this topic: semi-ridic fashion + over the top dancing and singing = Funny Face. Audrey Hepburn stars as Monika Lewinsky who falls for a creepy old photographer played by Fred Astaire (whose appeal I personally never understood. I was born after 1900 though). She subsequently marries the ghoul in Paris (what a surprise!). Also, from a 21st century perspective the lyrics to this song have a quite interesting twist.

Givenchy by the way...

Black turtleneck, ballerinas and new age performance dance, how....progressive?

9 points for unintended funnyness

2 points for intended funnyness

To be continued...

Irgendwo in Virginia...

Letzte Woche war ich in D.C. und da Freitag nach Thanksgiving -"Black Friday"- der Startschuss für Ami-Weihnachtseinkäufe ist, hab ich folgendes gedacht "american experience equals obligatory experience". Ich hatte noch nicht mal mein Käsetruthendl vom gobblegobble-Vortag verdaut, stand ich schon in irgendeiner Mall in Virginia herum. Warum Virginia? Keiner weiß das. Der wunderschöne Name dieser Mall war Potomac Mills. Nach fünf Stunden Shoppingmarathon fühlte ich mich wie ein Kaugummi der auf einem Basketballschuh klebt: dehydriert, grantig, pickig, mordeslustig,....


Warum erzähl ich euch das alles? Das ist meine Einleitung für folgende Begebenheiten, die sich in anderen Malls in den USA am Black Friday ereigneten: 1) die Zertampelung eines Wal-Mart-Mitarbeiters in NY und 2) zwei erschossene Teenager in einem Toys 'R' Us (!!!) in CA.

Ich habe immer schon gewußt, dass Shopping gefährlich ist. Drum bleibts zuhaus und machts eure eigenen Kleider. Ist sowieso viel besser, weil da kann frau gleichzeitig auch rauchen.


Happy late Thanksgiving from Miss Turkey!

As seen in Soho, NYC

Apparently those Ed Hardy UGGs are so popular that they even fake them. My oh my!

News from the New World I

For my lovely new int'l readers, I will TRY to write a post in a funny language that includes words like "bamboozle", "flabbergasted" or "shenanigans" in its official vocabulary. A big cloud of European nosiness and arrogance is floating over the Atlantic and encircling me:

• Are they dumb? [No. They are much smarter than me. At least in this specific Disney-created place I live]
• Are they fat? [No. I live on the East Coast not in the f.... midwest]
• Are they supi-dupi-niceish? [Yes. To an extent that is unhealthy for my grumpy European soul]
• Is there music except for R&B or this? [Unfortunately not. I can't talk about that without poking my ears out with a stolen fork from the mensa]
• How can I get tickets for that fabulous underwear party in spring? [Strictly follow these orders: First, buy me lingerie; Second, finance my liposuction; Third, get over here!]
  

After answering your boring questions I can now move on to the really important stuff:

UGG Boots

I know, I know, I talked about it some other time. But until four weeks ago, I underestimated the sponging impact this particular footwear has on my brain (even worse than Crocs).

Many of you are asking themselves: What else can she possibly tell us about that topic? Hasn't everything been analyzed, critizised and dissected? No. I will tell you a little story. Its not better than Titanic I and II, but certainly more enjoyable than "The Fast and The Furious":

On a dreary, humid saturday I went to the Mall, bc. that's the thing you do here on a dreary, humid saturday. The Mall provides the two things you need to overcome dreariness and humidity: choco en masse and air conditioning. What I saw there wasn't ever meant to be seen by a sensitive human being like me:


But that's just the beginning. After the first shock settled, I drank sweet coffee, ate sweeter donuts with the sweetest filling and stumbled into a shoestore in which my fashionradar instantly detected this:

Was it just a dream caused by my massive intake of sugar? Was it all just a hallucination, a crack in the Matrix? Who does that? Who buys that? Why should you tattoo your shoes? Why?

On my search for Ed Hardy UGGs I found this UGG Hawaii - beauty: I just have to share it with you:

This story has no happy ending like Titanic II, in which Rose DeWitt Bukater owns a fashion imperium bought from Mugatu with the blue fancy disco-stone she found in her pocket and is divorced from Jack, who swam all the way to NY, bc. he was just kidding bc. he brought a thermo-mug with him so that he can warm his artsy hands in black decaff-tea, and he was a really good swimmer and I will play Kate Winslet, bc. obviously I look like her and we will all be very happy and live our glamorous/ tragic lives in the city of cities until a giant iceberg rams NYC bc. of global warming or whatever and then Rose (me) will fly to Alaska bc. they produce comfy clothes for cold weather and will live in Sarah Palin's house bc. it has a fireplace and I will have a cushion bunny or a cushion squirrel.

Since I am the humblestestest girl on the planet I have to admit that my winterboots unfortunately look like this. I wonder if they are still the inofficial uniform of the Austrian Green Party???