This Epic Music Post will change your life. Not.

Long time no see, hu?

Well, oompa loompas, I've been busy. Not excuse-me-I'm-doing-number-2-busy, but excuse-me-I'm-finally-finishing-my-really-important-studies-on-topics-no-one-is-interested-in-except-really-old-people-with-ugly-brown-sweaters-busy. Alot of stuff happened since we last met:

1) Summer (I actually wrote this post before summer, so excuse me for any girl anachronisms)

2) We sometimes felt the urge to escape...

3)...just to realize that coming back and making pancakes might be the actual answer to nearly every problem we encounter (No money? Pancakes. Sad? Pancakes. Hungry? Pancakes. Not hungry? Pancakes. Everybody is so mean to me? Pancakes. I hate my curly hair? Pancakes. My feet and back hurt? Pancakes.)

I got a bucketful of questions from you, but unfortunately I forgot them all immediately after you told me due to acute brain and memory deterioration caused by looking at too many cute Asian baby videos.

I'm sure your questions were really important and life-changing and stuff, but well. Try making pancakes, mmkkkkk?

To give you further prove of my self-centered tendencies and web 2.0 addiction, I decided to let you in on one of my biggest secrets (if you want to know about the other one, the answer is El Vital Conditioner Spray for frizzy hair). It concerns a topic I never ever talk about. Righto brighto, it's about music!

I'm quite impatient at the moment, since Gagamy brought me a Venti Caramel Latte to work today. Trust me when I say this: Beth Ditto could feed off of this thing for one week and additionally it gives you an idea about how cocaine must feel (Dear future employer, that was a joke).

Because of my impatience I will do the 30 day song challenge in less than a day. Starting now!

Day 01 – Your favorite song: Heroes, David Bowie

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Day 02 – Your least favorite song: You're beautiful, James Blunt



Day 03 – A song that makes you happy: Girls and Boys, Blur

Day 04 – A song that makes you sad: Strange Fruit, Billie Holiday

Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone: Dreams, The Cranberries

Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere: Seasons of Love, Rent O.S.T.

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Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event: Shave, Pop:sch

Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to: I want to be your Dog, Iggie Pop

 

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Day 09 – A song that you can dance to: Wuthering Heights, Kate Bush

 

Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep: Angel, Massive Attack

Day 11 – A song from your favorite band: Molly's Lips, Nirvana

Day 12 – A song from a band you hate: Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

 

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Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure: Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love: Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

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Day 15 – A song that describes you: Through my Sails, Neil Young

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate: 4st 7lbs, Manic Street Preachers

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Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio: In the Air Tonight, Phil Collins

Ugh.

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio: Please, Please, Please, The Smiths

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Day 19 – A song from your favorite album: 5 Years, David Bowie

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry: Shove, L7

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Roberta!

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy: Damn it, Janet, RHPS

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Good, bad or mediocre?

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad: I fell in love with a dead boy, Anthony and the Johnsons

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Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding (hypothetically): Dancing Barefoot, Patti Smith

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral: Wild is the wind, Nina Simone

Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh: Kuche Kuche Hota Hai, Kuche Kuche Hota Hai O.S.T.




The video itself is quite impressive, I must admit.

Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument: Yellow Ledbetter, Pearl Jam

Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play: Ampersand, Amanda Palmer

Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty: Rabiosa, Shakira

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Same category as "Empire State of Mind", but better to shake to.

Day 29 – A song from your childhood: Glücksbärchi Theme Song



Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year: Suede, The Drowners




I just saw this video the first time. My god! My eyeballs are falling out of my skull.

And yours?

Life is not a dress rehearsal. Because you're naked, stupid.

Because I'm older than K-Stew and I use conditioner I get asked a lot of questions. And since I cried at least six times during Glee today, I am now in a state of great empathy and feeling towards my fellow humans. Here is your questions answered:

Is W College really like in that movie? Yes. But there's less alcohol and smoking nowadays.

Have you always been such a control freak? No, it takes a lot of time and exercise to reach this high level of neurosis perfection *scratches skin from hands*

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Which one is John Irving's best novel? Hotel New Hampshire, you Ellen Jamesian. You wanna say something? Talk to my hand.

Why does she think I hate her boyfriend? I totally forgot who asked me this question in which context. Anyways, she probs thinks you hate the mandude because you didn't listen to him babbling about how hot Katy Perry is or Resident Evil 3. These are the two most common reasons in my experience.

How do I stop consuming? (see also: How can I stop my addiction to American TV series?) You can't and you won't. Cheers.

Will people come to our exhibition? Yes, definitely. It's on 22nd of October in "Das Werk" (Neulerchenfelderstraße 6-8, 1160 Wien). There's gonna be lots of art, music, love and decadence. If you don't come, I will hate you. Like forevs.

What is better: using a condom - which you hate - or having a brainfuck because your menstruation is late? There's plenty of other options, babyhoney. Did you ever hear about these things attached to your arms? They're called hands. And all the other stuff Darwin invented (Anyways. Act safely and responsibly. Seriously. Not kidding here).

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Do I go to the toilet too often? No.

Do I have a crush on James Franco? Quite possibly.

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How does one get over a break up? Jameson. Long answer to be discussed below.

The 5 Stages of Grief Exemplified Through Popculture

Have you been left because you're too good-looking and intelligent? Did you leave your partner because you couldn't agree on Apple vs. Microsoft? And now you kind of regret it, because your PC has a virus AGAIN and your better half is not there to lend you his/her Powerbook to watch the last episode of Gossip Girl? This is called loss. And it's serious. Like purchasing weirdly sized tampons.

1) Raw Raw Oh Lala

First, you'll experience the many beauties of denial. What? Don't know what that is. I'm not interested in it. Please let me brood in my indifference for now. Thanks. Where is the remote control?

Music: Everything you usually listen to, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Hip Hop, R&B.

Literature: Vogue, David Sedaris.

Art: Keith Haring, Andy Warhol.
Film: Harry Potter, Tim Burton (I am well aware that Harry Potter is not yet a film director. Thanks.)

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2) Well, they get what they want and they never want it again.

Second, you'll get angry. This is the moment in which you should go to a 90s party. There you'll get drunk, rip apart your flannel shirt and scream from the top of your lungs. This is also the phase in which you might discover a short-term half-hearted interest in 3rd wave feminism (in case you're a woman).

Music: Hole, L7, Bikini Kill, Violent Femmes.

Literature: Matias Faldbakken, Thomas Bernhard.

Art: Georg Baselitz, Jackson Pollock (remember Short Bus? Thanks, G)

Film: Lars von Trier.

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3) If I only could. Make a deal with god.

Third, after curing your giant hangover, you'll meet up with your unemployed friends and analyze.Your friends will be super bored of course, but if they're good humans, they'll fake mild interest in your complaining and nod from time to time.

Music: Kate Bush (Running up that Hill), Depeche Mode (Walking in my Shoes).
Literature: Cosmopolitan advice columns, Elizabeth Gilbert.

Art: some shit from the 19th century,

Film: some of the darker Woody Allen stuff.

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4) Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.

Later that night, you'll walk home and process your sad panda feelings. You'll find out that no one loves you, and although you're so very entertaining, you're gonna sleep alone at night.

Music: The Smiths, Joy Division.

Literature: Ingeborg Bachmann, Sylvia Plath.

Art: Egon Schiele, Martina Abramovic.

Film: David Lynch, Titanic.

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(That gown is mighty cool. Can I have it in my size, please?)

5) I will survive.

Just kidding, everyone loves you! After some couple of centuries you'll have arrived at a stage of acceptance. Congratulations, it's time to move on and find someone new who doesn't know all your negative character traits, or that your family is horribly loud, or that you actually had really crappy 80s hair as a kid.

Music: Gloria Gaynor, New Order, Iggy Pop, Florence and the Machine.

Literature: Shakespeare (the lighter stuff).

Art: Asgar/ Gabriel

Film: Breakfast at Tiffany's, and all the other Hollywood movies made from 1930 to 1965.

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How can I have MY questions answered? Submit them in the comment section or at FB. Or ask me personally. I charge much less than your psychoanalyst.

Full of Grace

I love your new cowboy hat! Let's celebrate! The weekend saw me thinking about "The September Issue" a lot, which I have to talk about immediately or I'll explode. And no one wants me to explode because who is gonna clean up all the bits and pieces? For those of you who don't know what "The September Issue" is, here are two options:

a) It is a documentary about the making of the biggest and heaviest Vogue issue in history, reaching an audience of approximately 13 million people.

b) It is me trying to figure out what to do with my grown-up life by September.

Surprise! The more correcter answer is a). (and yes, I just wrote this sentence on purpose because I'm a funny lady. So funny even Anna Wintour has to smile a little. Because I dress like a hobo on bubble tea. I also wanted to say that I detest people saying stuff like "Show me your beautiful smile, honey". I'm gonna show you something else. And it ain't got nothing to do with rainbows and panda bears, I guarantee).

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I haven't extensively talked/ ranted about fashion in the longest time, so here is the trailer for "The September Issue":



From this preview it looks like Anna Wintour is the star of the show, but actually it's Grace Coddington. She is the fashion editor of US Vogue, former 60s Welsh (!) model, occupant of one of these NY brownstones I'd like to own, and wearer of the most fabonkulous red mane in the history of red manes. Ms. Coddington is also a stubborn Don Quijote fighting against the windmills of commercialism and defending substantial beauty while being surrounded by shallow uglyness.

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(Grace Coddington at the Cover of British Vogue) via

Besides igniting my appreciation for Ms. Coddington, the documentary also made me think about the differences/connections between fashion and style, art and commerce, feminism and beauty. Since my brain suffered severe weakening caused by another wonderful weekend, I'll let someone else speak. This comment is taken from a Q&A with Guardian's fashion writer Hadley Freeman.

"Fashion is supposed to be about giving grown women self-confidence, pleasure and maybe even a strut in their stride. It is not supposed to make them want to resemble baby animals who can barely walk across the room. This seems to be an increasingly common misconception."

- Shitting babies can be rock stars too.

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- Accessories will solve the climate crisis. Sort of.

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- "Ugly Shoes. A Brief History" shows three pairs I own. Guess which. Winner gets appreciation and short hug, because long hugs make me uncomfortable. Why? Because I'm an oh so special INFJ.

- How-to-guide for recycling your pets. Chapter 1: Making bags out of your dearest cat.

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- I really want to have a Russian winter hat made out of this little critter:

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Mad World

Initially I wanted to post "Top 3 Historical Plagues" and "Top 5 Worst Summer Fashion", but I got so annoyed and scared by the latter, that I decided to write about something positive instead. But before, a little newsflash:

Bachelorette parties are real fun in case you're not the bride. If I should ever get married, I will not allow a party to take place because I fear cold-blooded revenge from my sister (also: I'm Katy "Fucking" Fitch! who the fuck are you?) (also: the girl working at the Diesel store in Vienna totally looks like Effy) (also: this information is irrelevant for most of you because you don't know what the hell I'm actually talking about) (also: go see Skins ASAP in case you want to take part in our Skins-themed party) (also: I'll dress up as Panda Poo).

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I wanted to see Eclipse yesterday to carry out an anthropological experiment involving teenage girls, group hysteria and shameless objectification of Brits. My strictly scientific participant observation couldn't be carried out though. That's why I saw Before Sunrise again, which involves a lot more talking, actual pre-marital sex, and Vienna.

I re-positioned some of my books. This time, I colorschemed them. Like my socks.

There is new advise in the category "How to live": In case you're PMSing, don't go to a place where sweets are expensive. In honor of this very useful recommendation I made a pie chart illustrating why sometimes it's hard to be a woman.

I admit that this pie chart exaggerates the percentaged intake of chocolates. Sometimes it's also about committing carbizide.

There is clear photo evidence that Amy Macdonald has an evil twin sister:

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(It's Katy Perry in case you wondered)

Mad Men will start its 4th season on Sunday evening. These are some of the things I wish to happen:

1) Don Draper and Joan Holloway hook up. This would be like Christmas and Easter, coffee and cigarrettes, Jack White and Allison Mosshart, Gin and Tonic, me and Johnny, the pope and hypocrisy.

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2) The art department uses Helvetica more often.

3) Bob Dylan gets his album cover designed by Sterling Cooper.

4) Peggy gets equal pay.

5) The African American elevator operator gets a really good job.

6) Sterling Cooper hires Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol has an affair with Sal resulting in happiness and screenprints.

These things probs won't take place soon, but on the other hand who would've thought that the English guy's foot would've gotten lacerated by a lawn-mower in season 3?

This week's Gender Fuck Award for re-wording Florence and the Machine lyrics goes to madmad: "A chick with a dick is better than none".

Here's a very sweet video of a cute baby bear to get your mind off the whole Don & Joan situation:

MY NY MY NY MY

Hello people-inos. There's two to twenty things I'm gonna write about today, so let's see how tired and snarky I'll be at the end of the post. My tired count right now is 3 and my snarkiness count is 4.

First of all, as you perhaps already noticed, you cute human apes, I changed the blog design a little. Not sure I like it, I'm gonna see. Do I really think that baby blue goes with blood red? Maybe. Additionally, I wanted to say that I really like your glasses, strawberry milkshakes and hovering cats. Thanks.

Second, I updated the link collection in the left sidebar. It now includes lovely ordinarypeople: collaborative art project vienna. I'm deeply honored to be their resident press bitch. They'll fire me soon, because I write convulated sentences full of relative clauses, which are like that, and long listings: academic vocabulary, 19th century metaphors, abbrvtns, you name it. We're in the process of organizing the bestest ever performance exhibition to date in Vienna (maybe the second bestest since Valie Export's breast box in the 70s. We don't want to be too pretentious). I'll keep you updated. That's both a promise and a threat. Here's two of the artists we'll hope to work with:

by Thomas Seiger via

by Zwupp! via

I hereby also take the opportunity to shamelessy promote clmty, i.e. Viennese design par excellence, lost in footage, a blog for all the fearless German readers among you, No Silent Night, who are gonna play a fabonkulous gig in B72 on Independence Day and pop:sch, my electro heroes.

Third, the Haus of Gagayonce happening has been set to take place on the 24th of July 2010. Get your calendars ready and put some glitter on the date!

Hawt like Mexico! via

What else, maidens and boys? I watched The Runaways, which was a surprisingly good rock'n'roll movie and probably the first movie I saw this year passing the Bechdel Test. I had very low expectations in the beginning since it was marketed as a female Velvet Goldmine. Let me tell you something here. It's not possible to ever make a movie like VG again. Ever. The Runaways was NOT a female Velvet Goldmine, mostly because there was far less whimsical stuff happening (like Oscar Wilde being delivered to planet earth by an alien space ship). Also, KStew had weirder hair than Ewan McGregor, which is fine, because it's set in the 70s and it was mostly taking place in California, not in the motherland. Everything else was exactly the same.

This one has a top 3 place re: most terrible/awesome album covers in glamrock history via

I have two main topics in mind for this post. The first idea is to write a boring nostalgic/sentimental piece about New York City. The second possibility is to make a "Top 3 List of Historic Medical Plagues That Freak Me Out and Keep Me From my Well-Deserved Sleep at Night". Although I prefer the latter one, I sort of have to stick to the first one, because I'm a member of the AA (Americans Anonymous) and today is an important day:

My name is jive and I haven't had a drop of NYC in one year. And although I feel quite accomplished and I am at least a 197° well-rounded *cough* person, I would leave the Top Model House immediately if someone would endow me with a 300 m2 loft in the West Village and a life-long supply of Vitamin Water, Whole Foods foods, creme cheese sesame bagels, Brooklyn Lager and Parliament cigarettes (I once bought a pack for 11$! It's gotten so costly to destroy one's health).

So here is why I like Gotham so much:

1) When you think of 'city', the first thing that pops up in your head is probably a picture of New York. It's the material and pop-cultural embodiment of urban life. I love cities, so it's only consequential for me to love New York, the mum and dad of cities (I haven't been to Asia or Africa yet, so my perspective is biased by the destinations I travelled. I'm open to change my opinion).

Completely random taxi driver via

2) No one gives a shit. You can dress like a gothic mermaid or do some Open Air disco rollerskating in spandex. It's OK. It's fine. It's encouraged. Since there's plenty of colorful fish in the sea, you have to try harder than anywhere else. Here is how to begin your journey:



3) It will never be boring. NY is a big fat machine invented to distract you from everything you were taught to find important.

4) It's truly never dull. For anyone. The city is basically what you make of it, a white canvas handing you over an endless amount of crayons. You're a grandma? Go watch Cats. You have a moustache and wear vintage shoes? Move to Williamsburg. You are Michel from Gilmore Girls? Let's meet in the Village.

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5) The subway runs the whole night (it can be a little creepy though).

6) The residents are a truthfully sarcastic and hilarious asshole-y people, which I very much prefer to other kinds of Americans (No offense intended, dear Americans. You are usually much friendlier and more polite than Europeans) (No offense intended, Europeans. You have the better food).

7) It's such a powerful thought to know that at every moment - night and day - you're surrounded by millions of highly diverse people experiencing every human condition imaginable. All in walking distance.

8) There's less dog poo than in Vienna.

Rihanna and her two handbags immediately pop up if you google "dog" + "new york" via

That was that and this is it. Tune in next time, when it's finally time for ***SPOILER ALERT*** cholera, the bubonic plague and smallpox! Yeah!

tiredness count: 6
snarkiness count: 8
have to pee count: 10