Haus of Gagayoncé

Oh my! Your fingernails are so shiny today! This is gonna be one of these posts that doesn't have any particular topic. I'm just writing whatever comes to mushy mind.

- Thanks to Bavarian M, a.k.a. Lady Gaga #2, for her suggestion to watch "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" in the first place. I salute your popcultural wisdom!

- In reaction to my last post, many lovely readers brought additional amazing imaginary bands to my attention, e.g. Alvin and the Chipmunks, Josie and the Pussycats, and The Fabulous Stains. If you haven't heard of the latter, this girl punk band appears in the 80s movie "Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains", starring a SUPERyoung Diane Lane and lots of Siouxsieesque eye make-up (I haven't seen it yet, but it looks convincingly cringeworthy/ fabulous).

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- For everyone who always wanted to see two (very likely) intoxicated girls wearing popstar costumes without pants and acting ridiculously embarrassing in public, there is great news! You don't have to visit Brighton on a Saturday night anymore, since the action will take place in a city near you. I have been challenged by a Lady がが and now I can't chicken out anymore or I will lose my pop honor, because once you kill a cow you gotta make the burger.

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If you want to be part of our Entourage - or as we insiders refer to it, our "Haus of Gagayoncé" - get some fabulous outfits, move your derrière over here and together we will exult the night away. Although we appreciate you knowing the whole back catalogue, by heart, mainly concentrate on rehearsing Bad Romance, Single Ladies, Telephone and Pokerface (the Glee version, pleaaaase). If you need inspiration on how to express yourself humbly through dancing with props, I suggest you watch this. If you need motivational help with your singing while wearing a bear on your hat, watch this.

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- Apropos furry headwear: Benjamin Franklin supposedly wore his rustic beaver hat during official events while he lived in France. He did this in order to underline his hearty American heritage. Remember, this was at a time when Marie Antoinette had ships in her hair sculptures. Joy! Love! I have to pee!

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- Marina Abramovic does amazing performance art in the MOMA. Did I already mention this? She must be totally de-hydrated!

- With the help of G, I figured out one of the composite factors that contribute to being a grown-up --> ironic distance from teenagehood = 5% nostalgia and 95% relief that it's all over now, baby blue. A shoelace that is actually a guitar string becomes a logistical problem as soon as you try to tie it. Three bottles of green hairspray sound good in theory, but they fail to provide clean bathrooms after usage, causing mother-daughter-relations to plummet. I should really do a post on the wrongness of teenage style choices. Good excuse to talk about werewolves. Also, why is there no Team Bella? Feminism, anyone?

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- Ah, great bridge! The Seven Sisters decided to open up an eight franchise in the Ukrainian woods. These Eastern Wendys are trained in martial arts and presumably don't eat ice cream for breakfast.

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- Something completely different: the Aids Conference 2010 is going to take place in Vienna and it'll be huge (they even delayed the Life Ball because of it!). They need volunteers to get the whole thing running smoothly, so if you don't have plans for July 18- 23, register here. I can help you organize a free place to sleep, of course.

- I nearly forgot. There's gonna be a SKINS movie coming out in 2011! Reportedly, it will combine the casts of both generations, which makes me wonder how long this film will be. I don't care about Freddy, but please lovely writers, bring back Chris! He is so charming in his idiocy.

Top 5 Imaginary Bands and Too Many Other Things

It's been quite a long time, beautiful people. Since we last saw each other, I made my very successful debut as a Bonnie Tyler impersinator. See this as a way to pay my Beyoncé debt, ok?

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So here's an update on the generalities and specificities of life:

• Elena Kagan is going to be on the Supreme Court (I'm probably the only person here who cares. Whatever. It's my blog. Ha!)

• There's new findings on an incredibly weird animal called "mole rat" aka "sabre-toothed sausage". We can all learn a lot from this creature. For example, that uglyness is totally OK. If you live under mother earth's surface.

• Courtney Love is a never-ending source of entertainment. She's supposedly "good in bed", "doesn't appreciate Burberry very much", and is overall someone I really have to see in concert before being hit by a double-decker bus (so I might die with a smile on my face after all). There's an interesting piece by resident hilarious girl Rachel Shukert about growing up in the 90s and having to defend Courtney against the angry attacks of traumatized Cobain fans. Haven't we all been there? (on one side or another?). With all the media attention that she provokes it's easy to oversee the fact that Courtney Love is an amazing singer and performer. And although I tend to laugh about her stunts and rants too, and although I'm a bit worried about her motherly performance, (understatement!), for the most part it just makes me really sad when great talent goes to waste. I want this back, please. Did anyone listen to her new album yet? I won't give up hope.

• A new piece of functional fashion has been invented, part overall, part pyjama, all pajamarall!


• NSFW***And last but not least some treats on sex & dating because it's spring (good excuse, isn't it?): Jaclyn Friedman talks about "Fucking while Feminist", semen does consist of a variety of exotic ingredients, and the youth of today is prone to multitask. The actual topic of this post is, of course, less trivial than previous paragraphs. Since my epic research on "springtime topics" (= euphemism FAIL) is not quite finalized yet, I chose to select my Top 5 Imaginary Bands in Movies/TV.

5) Mystik Spiral from "Daria"

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Notice here that Trent is the only guy who is allowed to wear a soul-patch. Ever. And he's a comic figure. Am I Ms. Picky? Yes. Am I right? Yes.

4) Jared Leto in "My so-called Life"

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Oh my. And Ricky and her thought the song was about her. Red Hair Fail.

3) Hedwig and the Angry Inch from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"

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What a strange title you might ask? To which I respond: Go and watch the movie to fully appreciate the band's name! The film has plenty of fun for everyone: girls, boys, in-betweeners, Rentheads, Michael Pitt fanatics (you know who you are, honey!). John Cameron Mitchell, the director, writer and protagonist of the musical, also made "Shortbus" which is a movie you should definitely not watch with your mom.

2) Hey, That's My Bike in "Reality Bites"

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Another one of these 90s boys with greasy hair, bad posture and questionable hygiene. I didn't know for quite a long time that this is a Violent Femmes cover. Doesn't reduce my admiration. And now, define irony and spell Evian backwards.

1) Curt Wild and the Rats from "Velvet Goldmine"

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There's so many amazing performers in this movie, I had a hard time chosing my favorite. In the end, I went with Curt because I love myself some raw Iggy/ Lou/ Mick. The wearing (or non wearing) of skinny pants, leather jackets and eyeliner is also very much appreciated. Thanks a lot, 70s! Thanks a lot, Todd Haynes (who is a genius btw)!

* Note: I couldn't think of any ground-breaking imaginary female bands in movies. All I could come up with is Snape oogling Rose DeWitt Bukater while she sings something very soprano-ish. Any ideas? (and no, "The Runaways" does NOT count).