Musicals Part 2

Look at you! Your ankles are totally not fat! I know you've been waiting for this post passionately, sitting in the darkest corner of your emo room, desperately hugging a man arm pillow and crying your lacrimal fluids out. After writing Musicals Part 1, a lot of things happened that deepened my passion for the medium:

1) Glee returned after a long winter hiatus and featured performances by Doogie Howser, MD and Maureen/Elphaba, as well as songs by our dear Lady G, Madonna, The Doors, Beck, and perm queen Bonnie Tyler. Although I didn't appreciate the finale very much, because it didn't show a 2-hour shooting in a hospital in Seattle (spoiler alert FAIL), my appreciation of the show is a never-ending story (until something better comes along).

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2) I have been questioned for my adoration of musicals. Here are some of the other things I have been critizised for lately:

- I don't listen (because you say stupid things)

- I'm sexist (LOL)

- I'm a poser (and what?)

- I'm not a good singer (point)

- I’m putting people in boxes (yes, and you wanna know what’s written on YOUR box?)

- I'm too pale (Edward is pale too and he can fly and bite people and stuff)

- I'm arrogant (Newsflash!)

So this post is partly a matter of defense, partly a matter of I'm-gonna-rub-the-awesomeness-of-(some)-musicals-in-your-face-attack.

3) Everyone's life right now sort of resembles a trashy musical: there's bits of drama, singing, dancing, weird acting, performances, tacky costumes and sometimes people even get applauded for it. See you at the Tony Awards, pookies [I really don't know why the font is so small here. Ask Google)

I humbly admit, musicals can be horrible pieces of non-tainment emanating an air of grandma-suited distraction for the stupid classes. But as with many other things in life, they just are what you make of it. Here are some more examples of musicals I enjoy:

Rocky Horror (Picture) Show

The cult classic that cemented my adoration for the medium and also inspired one half of my glamrock name. I have to admit, I never saw it on stage, but I watched the movie so often that I probably lost a year of my precious life with it. It's so full of film and art references, layers and well-placed obscenities, that I never got sick of RHPS.

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And if you ever happen to be around a theater doing a midnight screening of RHPS, put some freaky make-up on, wear a pair of ripped fishnets, get some rice and cleaning gloves, and celebrate the night away (if you need more specifities on the latter topic, ask me offline in a secure environment without internet spies).

Cry Baby

Another John Waters example of the craft called bad taste musical assemblance. It features the likes of Johnny Depp and Iggy Pop. Cry Baby succeeds in bringing licking to a new level (I won't get mononucleosis, will I?). Somewhere Dr. Frank’n’Furter sits in his trans-alien castle and is crying. The costumes are one third Mad Men, one third punk, and one third classic rock’n’roll. Maybe also one third jail couture, but then it would be 133,33% and that’s just confusing to my social science brain. I also wonder how many calories tears have? Are they a hygienic beverage?

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Wicked

I saw Wicked last summer after having endured one year of constant Wicked referencing, Karaoke singing and general nerve wrecking (love you, honey!). So after this lengthy psychological torture I simply gave up and watched the show. At the first scene my entourage and I giggled a lot because it was probably the most ridiculous thing a human has ever seen on stage (it even tops Euridike having sex with a giant godly fly). There was a dragon with diamond sparkly eyes emanating fog and Glinda, the protagonist, hovering over the choir wearing the most outragous fairy dress ever made. Not surprisingly she also had a giant glitter wand in her hand (the musical is about witches or whatever).

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Although (or because) the musical is so intentionally over-the-top and green, it never loses it’s ironic appeal and it even provides some refreshing „seriousness“ in between. I’d sell my pinkie shampoo that doesn’t work on my hair to see Wicked with the original Broadway cast.

Honorary mentions: Funny Girl, Spring Awakening (haven’t seen it yet, looks promising), Altar Boyz, La Cage aux Folles, West Side Story, Hair, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Avenue Q, Moulin Rouge, Chicago (partly), Cabaret.

Dishonorary mentions: Cats, Phantom of the Opera, Tanz der Vampire (haven’t seen it, don’t want to see it, don’t like it), Starlight Express (Is that even a musical? Have you no shame?), everything they play in Vienna forever and ever and ever until the Wicked Witch of the West or the sweet transvestites from Transsexual, Transsylvania will come to free us from this oppression.